Empty Nest- The Poem

Empty Nest

It isn't Empty Nest Syndrome

It isn't tears on somewhat sunken cheek bones or looking in the mirror to see a tired stranger

It isn't holding my breath when she shakes hands with Principal and grabs diploma with other and I can't hear for the roaring in my ears

The pride chanting in my head

The love bursting my veins

The hollow hole growing in my solo soul

She says every time I cry I owe her $5

I am already poor

She is my wealth

I am the single mother of a special needs daughter

I have walked away from everything and everyone else in this world

To run to her

I have sat vigil in cold hospital rooms

Stroking her face

Side swiping stray hairs

Caressing her tiny hand

I have slept in the curve of her feet at the bottom of her hospital bed

I have brought her home after 39 surgeries and fought with myself not to hold her hostage in the safety of our home

I have watched her fight to walk 

To walk on

To walk away

I have hung on to let her go

And here we are

High school over

Success heaped on success

Smile painted on my thinning lips like a too bright lipstick

My hand aches for her little girl fingers to wrap around mine

But I see my hands now

Veins exposed

Wrinkles forming

Nails ignored

Unadorned left ring finger

I have not been His Wife

I have only been Her Mom

Open palm to fist and Palm again

I cannot question 

I try to accept

Fly little bird

Mama's nest sits empty