Parening is NOT an obligation

When, oh when, did Parenting become an Obligation to some? 

When did we become a society where child support was needed, demanded, withheld?  When did walking away from your marriage mean you could walk away from the child?  When did this become our reality?

Stark.  Harsh.  True.  I find myself living in a place where the non-custodial parent equates time with money and believes that a minimum donation makes them a Parent.

They withhold financial assistance, they do not parent, they show up when it is convenient for them.  They tell the world they are a parent.  They show their child that they are not really part of their world.  They live in contradictory allegiance with their own dark places and lack of soul.  And, they somehow convince themselves, that they are right.

I see men and women who live on a shoe string to take care of children from past relationships.  I see them finding ways to be inserted positively into their child's life.  I do.  But these are the rare ones.  They are the dot in the sea, the needle in the haystack.  This makes me insatiably sad.

Sad for the custodial parent who takes on that extra burden to parent for two.  Sad for the child, who never understands how they did not choose to play a role in this staged version of parenting , and yet it is their reality.  I even, on some degree, am sad for the non-custodial parent who never knows the joy of a deep relationship with someone who they brought in to this world.  For the person who gazes, from afar, with jaded eyes, on the relationship that the custodial parent builds bit by bit, minute by minute, touch by touch with their child.

Parenting is the most special thing I have ever been able to do.  It is not an obligation.  It is an honor, a joy, a life process that I am happy to allow consume me.  I have this Amazing Kid.  It is pretty cool.  It is My Best Thing Accomplished In Life... this Mama Biz.  Glad I am not missing one moment of it. 

Really? Just... Really?

I have had a few days of "Really?  Just... Really-ness" in my world.

Let's start with the ever fun-filled world of (drum roll, please) DANCE COMPETITION.  For those of you who live under a rock, I am a dance studio owner and director.  A few times each year, I subject myself and my students to weekends of (drum roll) DANCE COMPETITION.

They used to be fun.  Or, I used to be fun.  Not sure which.  Now, don't be mistaken, there are moments of fun.  Moments of heart warming beauty that reduce me to tears.  (I am usually also sleep deprived and dehydrated when this happens).  There are friendships made and dance pieces appreciated.  But, lately, gosh... these other studios can be Really... Just Really... Mean.

Is it Dance Mom Disease, stemming from the world of Abby Lee Miller and television?  Perhaps. Is it a lack of common courtesy in today's society?  Quite likely... but REALLY.  People are MEAN.
Dancers who mock each other from the wings.  Teachers who tell their students not to worry about the act before them... "You have her beat.  Ewww.  She sucks".  Adults who sit in the audience and make faces at CHILDREN as they perform.  Directors who shove other directors out of their way.  False airs of superiority and the belief that three minutes onstage and a trophy define you.
Ugh.  Just... Ugh.

It is silly things beyond the dance scene.  When snowbanks tower over cars and take up half a lane on city streets and someone is parked and you have to WAIT your turn to get through and people DON'T and I am, like, REALLY?  JUST... REALLY?  Today, someone passed me in such a situation as I was waiting to let a q-tip head driver (Read and translate: Old.  REALLY... Just... Old) come through from the opposite direction.  Excuse me, butt face man in large pick up truck blaring bad '80s Rock and Roll from your vehicle... are you in THAT much of a hurry?  Really?  I think not.  Poor q-tip lady could have had a heart attack.  I almost did.

How about the guy at the gym who erased my name so that he could take my tanning spot?  Really?  Are you that desperate to get some Vitamin D?  Who does that?  Am I just beyond silly for saying that doing such a thing would never even cross my mind?  Really??????? 

I am at that point where my disappointment in the people around me brings me to tears and causes me to rise to action.  Did I say something to those nasty people at dance competition?  You know it.  Did I roll down my window and ask q-tip driver if she was okay?  Of course.  Did I wait for Gym Jerk and tell him what he did was wrong.  No doubt.

Maybe, perhaps... Just.... perhaps... these things are tests to see if anyone will respond or stand up for what is right.  I am not saying I am anyone special.  I AM saying we can all be someone special.  It doesn't take much effort or time.  Join me.  It's kinda fun.  Really.  Just... Really.