Celebrations and Salutations

Graduation season always hits my heart and knocks my senses sideways.  I took it hard when it was my own rite of passage, I have struggled and embraced all that it has held for my friends, my relatives, my students... and now, for my only daughter.

I screen shot large portions of life in my head. Snap memories into the puzzle of my life like I am a jigsaw Queen; relive rolling video in my brain as I fall to sleep at night; wake early and look at the day ahead with trepidation mixed with elation.

I thought I would be a bigger mess.  I thought I would walk around in a river of tears every day.  I expected sobs at dance recital and gulps of air like some washed ashore fish as I witnessed "lasts"... last concert, last this, last that.

Tears.  I have them.  Somewhat silent, slippery little devils, who roll down my waiting cheeks and cause me to wipe with backside of hands as secretly as possible.  Sniffles.  Blame that on allergies.
But... full on tsunami cry?  Not yet.

This is a celebration, folks.  This amazing human whom I created has become SOMEONE.  I have always known she is special... as every mother knows every child is... but in this time, in this moment, she is SOMEONE.  Someone who has achieved so many goals throughout her first twelve years of school... academically, musically, socially, physically, emotionally.  Someone who has made plans for an amazing future and has taken solid steps to see those plans through.  Someone whom I am immensely, and justifiably, proud of.

It is a month of salutations.  Congratulations.  Farewells.  SeeYaLaters.  Hugs that linger longer.  Foot steps that pause as backward glances are made before plunging forward.  Yesterdays growing foggy as today beams and tomorrow beckons.  Shake hands with confidence, smile broader, laugh when you can.  This is the way this life goes.  It just goes.  On and on; somehow... everyday closer to the salutation--- Good bye.

Forgive my sentimentality.  I am just another mom watching another child walk across the stage which represents life.  I am just another empty nester choosing bedding for college dorm room and counting pennies to pay tuition.  I am just another mom laying in bed at night, silent tears rolling down cheeks, salty rivers onto pillowcase. 

Yes, I am celebrating.  Mostly.  But, sometimes, the celebration pauses and reality hits.  Forgive me for praying... Forget Me Not.